


Doesn't Mean It's Not Real

by Amyrat151



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Big Brother Gabriel, Canon Compliant, Castiel and Feelings, Episode: s09e18 Meta Fiction, Gen, Humor, Meta Fiction Coda, Post-Episode: s09e18 Meta Fiction, episode coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 01:25:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1586570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amyrat151/pseuds/Amyrat151
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel visits Castiel after the events of Meta Fiction and helps him realize his feelings for Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doesn't Mean It's Not Real

Castiel was tired. He and his two dozen wayward followers needed to find a safe place to hide and figure out some sort of plan. Or rather, Castiel had to come up with some sort of plan. Hardly any of them had combat experience, let alone knew how to command. Most of them were members of the Great Choir. They were angels whose only responsibility was to sing songs of praise for their Father and the greatness of His creation.

They found an old, large house that had the stale air of not being occupied in a long time. The furniture was covered in sheets and there was a thick layer of dust on every uncovered surface, including the floor. Castiel figured it was as good of a place as any to regroup. He put his wards to work, putting up sigils, hoping it would give them all a sense of security. It seemed almost pointless to Cas, honestly. If Metatron wanted to find them, he could. However, Castiel supposed demons or any other manner of creatures could do harm to them, so maybe the symbols that were painted in blood and written with Sharpies on the walls wouldn’t be entirely useless.

After Castiel was done with his work, crossing the last demon warding symbol, he yawned. The action felt so natural that Cas didn’t think a thing of it until he rubbed his eyes. Castiel started and looked around. No one else had seen. He remembered what it felt like to be tired; it hadn’t been that long ago and this is what it felt like. He felt a twinge of panic. Was he becoming human again? He was brought out of his dark thoughts when one in his charge came up beside him.

“We’ve finished warding the house, Castiel,” Hannah said. She had been keeping close to him for the past three days the lot of them had been on the road.

Castiel found her presence to be a bit wearying; she looked at him like he had all of the answers to every question she’d ever ask. Did she have a short memory? Did she forget that he had killed hundreds of their brothers and sisters and released the Leviathan into the world? Cas had no illusions about why most of them where here. They were here because they were scared and lost and needed someone to follow. Angels need orders like fish needed water. Hannah, on the other hand, seemed to think Castiel could actually save them. He was torn about whether or not to tell her just how foolish she was.

“Thank you, Hannah. I think I’m going to go into one of the bedrooms, look over some of the maps we collected so I can figure out where we should go next,” Castiel said, glad for a reason to be by himself for a while.

“Of course, I’ll tell the others,” she said, looking oddly happy at the prospect of delivering Castiel’s message to the angels.

Castiel repressed a sigh. “Thank you, Hannah.” Cas grabbed his bag and climbed the stairs. He found a room that appeared to be a study, walked in, and shut the door. He let the bag drop to his side and it made a dull thud when it hit the dusty floor. The room was quite dark, as it was nearing twilight. There was no working electricity in the room, of course, but there was a fire place. Cas focused his grace and soon there was a bright fire in the hearth. After taking the sheets off of the desk and beautiful black wingback chair, Castiel yawned again, and with it felt another wave of fear.

Cas let himself slump into the chair and took his phone from his pocket. He scrolled through the tiny number of contacts and quickly found Dean’s first cell number but his finger hovered over the call button.

All Cas could think about was how badly he wanted to hear Dean’s voice. It was like some kind of magic; whenever Cas heard Dean’s voice, everything in the universe was put into an understandable order. Everything just made sense and Cas felt calmer and almost safe by just knowing Dean was there. Hearing Dean’s voice would always make Cas happy. But the longer Castiel looked at his friend’s name of the little screen, he only felt anger. How could Dean do that, taking Cain’s Mark? How could he be so stupid?

Castiel remembered Dean’s words from years ago when he had learned Castiel had made a deal with Crowley: _When crap like this comes around, we deal with it... Like we always have. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil!_

Castiel tossed his phone across the room where it landed in the discarded sheets. Liar! Dean was a hypocrite and a liar. He had to be the most infuriating person who had ever existed. According to Dean, it wasn’t okay when Castiel did something stupid and reckless for the sake of his family or keeping the world in one piece, but it was okay when Dean did something that would surely get him killed. If Dean were here now, Cas might punch his uncommonly well-proportioned face for his foolishness. But as Castiel visualized it, all the fight went out of him.

Dean didn’t need another bruise, another hurt, or another voice telling him he did the wrong thing. Castiel also remembered when Dean had called himself poison a few months ago. At that moment, Castiel had felt something in him ache in a way it never quite had before and he had so wished he could take Dean’s pain away. He wished that he could heal all the gaping wounds inside his soul as easily as he could heal a broken arm or punctured lung. Castiel knew that Dean only did the awful and stupid things that he did because he believed himself to not be worth anyone’s concern. Castiel had no idea how to communicate that he thought Dean was worth everything.

Castiel stifled another yawn and stared into the fire, as if there was some kind of lesson to be learned in the flames.

"I think I gave you too much credit with the reference to Mensa, clearly you haven’t even entered kindergarten.”

Castiel leapt out of the chair and stifled a gasp. Gabriel was sitting on the desk, looking decidedly causal for someone who was supposed to be dead. He met Castiel’s eyes and Castiel was surprised to find thinly veiled annoyance.

“Am I dreaming?” Castiel blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. He felt foolish for uttering the question but honestly couldn’t think of a better one.

“Pfft, I don’t know, maybe you are. Maybe I’m a hallucination caused by your deteriorating grace. Maybe Dad brought me back. Maybe our brother never really killed me in that motel. Maybe it’s all a trick, like the dream Metatron put in your head. Does it really matter?” Gabriel asked flippantly.

“I think it matters if I’m insane or not. Although, it doesn’t feel like it did after I took Sam’s experience of the Cage from him,” Castiel said, hoping that was proof enough of his sanity.

Gabriel sighed, hopped off the desk and walked over to the dusty bookshelves. “We’re all a little crazy, young padawan, just some more than others.” He pulled a book off a shelf and threw it on the desk.

Castiel picked it up and read the title, _The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet_ , in the firelight.

Castiel’s confusion must have shown on his face because Gabriel said, “If you didn’t get it from the _Star Wars_ reference back there, I’m here to teach you a lesson. That’s what I did, didn’t I? Teach lessons. This might be the most physically painless one I’ll ever do but it will still hurt a lot.”

“And _Romeo and Juliet_ has something to do with it?” Cas asked. Gabriel nodded his head and smiled. Cas almost grunted in annoyance at his confusion. What lesson did he need so badly that Gabriel, whose appearance in this room in an abandoned house should be impossible, needed to use the classic tale of star crossed lovers to do it? Castiel put the book down and said, “I don’t have time for this right now. I need to figure out our next move, keep these angels safe.”

“Ah yes, you are a leader again. I forgot. Say, Cassie, why after all of this time refusing to lead our sheep family have you finally decided to answer the call?” Gabriel asked with a smirk.

“Because I was tired of fighting it.” Castiel told his brother with a resigned sigh.

Gabriel only laughed. “Yeah right. That’s crap and you know it. You spent the entire apocalypse fighting against what Zachariah and Michael told you to do and what you had been taught your entire existence. And now, some pencil pusher with an ego the size of Jupiter comes in and tells you who you need to be and you buy it? Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Cas.”

Castiel sighed. “I’m not bullshitting you. I am tired of fighting who everyone is telling me I’m supposed to be. I wanted to live a quiet, human life. I think I could have done it, Gabriel. I think it would have been enough for me but I can’t outrun my past or pretend that it doesn’t exist. I did terrible things; maybe I _should_ be the villain.”

“Yeah, okay that might be true but Cas, why now? Because it wasn’t Metatron. He bribed you and threatened you and of course you didn’t respond to either of those but something made you throw in the towel and it’s the same reason behind most of your choices for these past five years.” Gabriel picked the book back off the desk and smiled to himself. “Did you ever meet Shakespeare? He was great, so much more fun that most humans and definitely smarter than most angels. There were times I was convinced he couldn’t only be one of the hairless apes because so few had seen the truth as clearly and as readily as he did. There’s a reason they’re still reading his works 500 years later, Castiel.” Gabriel pressed the book into Castiel’s chest and looked him square in the eye. “There’s a lot we can learn from him.”

Castiel sighed and took the book again. “This is _Romeo and Juliet_ , one of his tragedies. In the story, a pair of teenagers from warring families fall in love and commit suicide at the end. I hardly see what this has to do with me.”

Gabriel sighed. “Yeah, I should have figured it would be a little too abstract for you.” Castiel didn’t even have time to scoff at the insult before Gabriel started talking again. “How about this, ‘love makes you do the wacky.’ Metatron ever watch _Buffy_?”

“Yes, he did.” Castiel paused and realized what Gabriel was trying to say. “You’re saying love made me decide to finally play the part of the rebel leader?”

“Ding, ding, ding, Sweetheart. You’re slow, but I figured you’d get it.” Gabriel clapped sarcastically and smiled. “Well, maybe more to say that love inspired you to do something suicidally stupid since your love is also suicidally stupid.”

Before Castiel could interrupt with his another question, Gabriel kept talking. “Yeah, this is where the pain comes in, dear, sweet Cas,” Gabriel said, sounding uncommonly serious. “You are in love, for a long time now. And it’s time for your ignorance about it to end.”

Castiel actually laughed. “That’s impossible, Gabriel. I can’t be in love. I don’t think an angel has ever been.”

Gabriel gave a wry, sad smile and Castiel fumbled over his words, trying to take them back. “It’s okay, Cas. You’re probably right. I certainly have never felt the love that you do, so you could be right. No angel has ever been in love, until you.” Gabriel turned away and walked across the study and looked out the window. “I’ll ask again, Angel of Thursday. Why did you decide to lead the rebels against Metatron? What surly, daddy-issue-ridden, male-model-type moron straw broke the camel’s back?”

“Dean. You’re saying I’m in love with Dean.” The moment Castiel said the words aloud he felt an odd fluttering beneath his ribs.

Could it be true, was he in love with Dean? He looked down at the battered tome in his hands and thought about all of the words that all of the story tellers have used to describe the state of being in love. The longing, the hope, the frustration, the devotion, the joy, the confusion, the crazy-making pain, and Cas knew them all. He dropped the book like it had burned him.

“No,” Castiel spoke as if his denial would make it true. “I can’t be in love with Dean.”

“I’m sorry, little brother. I truly am, but you are.” Gabriel let out a mournful sigh. “But hey, maybe it’s so tragic it’s funny to love someone that has so many emotional issues clogging up his artfully spiked head; he could never love you back. Not to mention wearing a Jimmy and not a Jane for a vessel.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Castiel all but yelled out. “It doesn’t matter how I feel. Even if I felt that way about him, nothing would change. I’ll help him whenever I can. I will still be his friend.”

Gabriel gave him a look that could only be described as pity and Castiel had to look away.

“There are so many more important things than my feelings. Dean has the Mark, he’s going to kill the last Knight of Hell and he will need my help. She could destroy the world.” Castiel sighed, thinking about how his feelings would likely no longer matter in a manner of months since he would surely be killed by Metatron anyway.

However, this was now and he would help Dean for as long as he could and as long was needed.

Gabriel patted Cas on the shoulder and said, “Well, I guess it’s time for me to go. I did my part and now you know the truth.”

“What? Where are you going?” Castiel hoped he didn’t sound too desperate for the archangel to stay.

Gabriel only smiled at him. “Don’t you know, Cas? I was never really here.” He snapped his fingers and Cas jerked awake on the big, black chair.

Castiel practically jumped out of the chair and looked around the room for any sign that what he experienced was real but found nothing. Castiel thought of the line that Dumbledore said to Harry Potter on the train platform in his mind in the last book of the series. _Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?_

Castiel smiled a little, admitting to himself that what he learned in his supposed dream was true. He was in love with Dean.

Maybe he even always had been and there was nothing Cas could do about it one way or another. He couldn’t ignore his feelings now that they were so bright and clear in the light of truth but he couldn’t tell anyone, especially Dean, about his love either. It would only cause them both grief, and they had more than their fair share of it.

Cas picked up his bag and pulled the maps out of it and set them on the table. He moved the knick knacks left by the long-dead owner of the house off to the side. As Castiel rearranged the items on the table he grabbed the dusty tome of _The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet_ that had been sitting there. Cas could only laugh, a long and hard laugh like one he had never experienced before. It was all just so impossible and ridiculous. Everything about Castiel’s existence had been so incredible since the moment he touched Dean’s soul in Hell and put him back on earth, of course he would fall in love with the beautifully broken man. The universe was truly that cruel.

Cas wiped the tears of laughter out of his eyes and instead of pouring over maps and coming up with a plan for his flock, opened up Shakespeare’s most famous play and started to read.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again to my beta, Natalie. And please leave a comment, even if it's to tell me this sucks.


End file.
